Condoms can feel complicated, but when used correctly, they’re 98% effective at preventing pregnancy and are great for STI protection. Key rules: never reuse condoms, don’t use the same condom for multiple body parts, stick to water- or silicone-based lube with latex condoms, and check expiration dates. Most condom failures are from user mistakes—use the right size, apply and remove properly, don’t use teeth or scissors to open, and always use enough lube to prevent breakage.
Depending on who you ask, using condoms can be second nature or seem like foreign territory. Condoms have gotten a bad rap over the years as unsexy and uncomfortable, but when you know how to use them, they can be a great tool for enhancing intimacy and taking your sex game to the next level. Plus, when used correctly, they’re great at reducing pregnancy risk (98% effective) and preventing the spread of STIs (sexually-transmitted infections). Wherever you land on the condom use spectrum, we’ve got the answers to the condom questions that really matter.
What are the basic rules for condom use?
- Do not reuse. Pretty straightforward, but also frequently misunderstood. It’s a one and done situation.
- Do not use the same condom for multiple holes. It sounds rude, but it’s true. If you’re experimenting with multiple orifices (think mouth, vagina, anus), the transfer of bacteria from one place to the next can put you at risk for infection. Best to keep extra on hand.
- Do not use latex condoms with oil-based lube. Oil can break down the latex and cause holes. Instead, find a water-based or silicone-based lubricant.
- Flavored condoms should not be used in the vagina or anus. They’re flavored for a reason, but that also means they have some other additives that aren’t necessarily friendly for other parts of the body.
- Always check the expiration date. Condoms in their wrappers have been studied to identify exactly when their strength decreases. It’s usually after a couple of years, but trust the date and toss out old condoms.
- Room temperature is best. Condoms do not like extreme temperatures (over 100 degrees or below 32 degrees Fahrenheit). The best place? Probably your nightstand. The worst place? In a hot car. Carrying a condom in a wallet is fine short-term, but keeping it in there will put it through some big temperature changes that will ultimately make it less reliable.
How do I pick a condom size?
Whether you’re shopping for yourself or for a partner, a good place to start is a standard size. However, you can always bust out a ruler if you feel like it. The most important part of condom size is girth, not length. To determine the girth of the penis, take a string and wrap it once around an erect penis, then measure that string. For you circle fans, it’s also simply the circumference.
Depending on the brand of condom you want to use, girth will actually be represented by something called “nominal width,” which is how wide the condom is when laid flat. Simply take the girth measurement and divide by two. For most condoms, a standard fit is a nominal width of 2.04 to 2.2 inches. A width between 1.9 and 2.04 inches is small (“snug”), 2.2 to 2.3 inches is large (or extra large, depending on the brand) and above that is extra large (or XXL, again depending on the brand).
Wondering when length matters? The vast majority of the time, it doesn't. Condoms have extra material that allows it to cover penises of varying lengths. Roll to cover the length of the penis and stop. There should be a ring of material at the base of the penis.
Why do condoms fail?
It’s less condom failure, more user error. Believe it or not, condoms breaking and slipping off only account for a minority of condom errors. More common mistakes happen during application and because of errors during sex.
Let’s start with the right way to put on and remove a condom. Open the wrapper and pinch the tip (top reservoir), then set it on top of the penis like a hat. With the other hand, roll the condom down the shaft of the penis. After ejaculation (orgasm), hold the condom at the base of the penis and pull out. Then remove the condom and throw it away.
Now, here are things NOT to do when putting on or removing a condom. Don’t open the wrapper with your teeth or scissors. Don’t stretch it so tightly over the head that there’s nowhere for ejaculate (cum) to go. Don’t pull out without securing the condom at the base of the penis, and don’t remove the condom while next to the vagina. And lastly, don’t reuse a condom. Ever.
It’s also not fair to set the condom up for failure. Oil-based lubricant will break down latex condoms; instead, use water-based or silicone-based. But don’t be afraid of lube – it's a condom’s friend! If there isn’t enough lubrication, the condom can rub in the most uncomfortable of ways. Plus, when there’s not enough lubrication, the friction makes it more likely that the condom will break or slip off. But lube can’t fix everything. Longer sessions — by which we mean aggressive, rough, and heavy sexual activity – can wear a condom out. (If this is your style, no harm in changing out mid-session.) Finally, not thinking clearly (specifically with amphetamine and heavy alcohol use) has statistically been shown to increase the risk of condom failure significantly. Best to stay in a clear state-of-mind.
How do we use condoms so that sex feels good?
The most important part of feeling good during sex is making sure that the condom fits. Don’t be fooled: “snug” does not equal enhanced sensation, it means “small.” If you inappropriately select a snug fit, sex will be uncomfortable (and, ultimately, unsafe as that condom may tear or come off).
Which brings us to condom selection. There are tons of condoms out there, most of which allow the couple to choose their own adventure. If reduced penis sensation is a worry, try a thin condom. If early ejaculation has been an issue, use a standard condom. And while the intent of ribbed and textured condoms is good, studies have shown that the benefits aren’t mind-blowing — most women only report mild enhancement of vaginal stimulation.
When it’s time to hit, consider making application of the condom itself sexy. Putting the condom on your partner can be foreplay of its own. (Instructions as previously described.) Alternatively, while the guy puts on the condom, accomplish something else like rubbing some lube around the vagina or keeping the ball rolling with some personal stimulation. Get creative.
What can I do if my partner refuses to wear a condom?
Short of withholding sex (which you have every right to do), emphasize how important safe sex is to you and ask what their concerns are. They may simply be misinformed about condom use, or they may have a bad experience that they’re hoping not to repeat. At the end of the day, sex is consensual and protection should be, too. The risks of not using protection are getting an STI and, possibly, becoming pregnant, both of which can have potential lifelong consequences. If your partner still refuses to wear a condom, consider other forms of intimacy that have less risk of transmitting STIs and pregnancy (like making out, mutual masturbation, hand jobs and oral sex).
While we love to share useful and helpful information, the above shouldn’t replace the advice of your healthcare professional. For questions about contraception and other reproductive health issues, please talk to your doctor.
Julie wants to keep young women in the driver’s seat of their own stories and provide them with the tools necessary for a happy, healthy sex life.
We know (and have lived!) through the ups and downs of young adulthood firsthand, and we aim to normalize the events, conversations, and questions that come during this period to help destigmatize sexual health. We believe women should live life with total freedom — starting with their ability to choose how, when, and if they become pregnant.
We know that women can make the best choices for themselves when equipped with the right information. We don’t take sexual education lightly and are committed to sharing accurate and factual information through rigorous planning and QA processes. In fact, all Julie content is reviewed by at least two board-certified doctors on our medical board. Learn more about them here.
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Tessa Commers, MD, FAAP, MS is a board-certified pediatrician based in the Seattle area with a particular interest in adolescent health and sexual education. In addition to clinical practice and serving as Head of Medical at Julie, Tessa also founded AskDoctorT — an education platform with over a million followers across Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube — aimed at improving adolescent health literacy and body confidence. She also hosted and wrote the puberty podcast “That’s Totally Normal!” and has contributed to peer-reviewed publications and educational initiatives focused on child and adolescent wellbeing.
Education: Children’s Mercy Hospital, Kansas City – Pediatric Residency; University of Nebraska Medical Center – Doctor of Medicine (MD); University of Nebraska Medical Center – Master of Science (MS, Genetics, Cell Biology and Anatomy); New York University – Bachelor of Arts (BA)
