All about safe sex

Let’s be honest middle school sex ed didn’t teach us shit about sex, let alone how to do it safely. Regardless of whom you are having sex with and their gender, it’s important to understand the different types of sex and how to stay protected along the way.

What is safe sex?

Safe sex is when you use barrier methods (like male or female condoms) to protect you and your partner from sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) or unwanted pregnancies. Practicing safe sex also includes getting checked for STIs as recommended by your physician and the regular use of birth control — like the pill, patch, ring, IUD, or other methods — to help prevent unplanned pregnancies. Unprotected sex, on the other hand, is when you don’t use a condom or other kind of barrier method. Unprotected sex puts you at greater risk of contracting an STI or becoming pregnant if you’re not using effective birth control.

As a refresher, STIs are infections passed from person to person during sex through bodily fluids, blood, semen, vaginal discharge, or skin-to-skin contact. Anyone who has oral, vaginal, anal, or genital contact is at risk of getting a STI if the other person has one. It’s common for people with STIs to have no symptoms, making it very easy to pass it on without anyone knowing.

Safe sex practices

• Talk to your partner. Kick off your conversation by stating your intention – avoiding STIs and pregnancy. You can follow that up by sharing your own health status with your partner, like the last time you were tested for STIs and the results. Use that as an entry point to ask them about the last time they were tested for STIs and if they’ve ever had any.

If either partner has an STI, use condoms or dental dams for vaginal, anal, and oral sex (whether or not there’s a known STI). If you have an incurable STI, such as HIV or herpes, talk to your doctor about what you can do to lower your chances of spreading it to your partner, and be sure to stay current on any treatments.

Outercourse, like dry humping and mutual masturbation, is another option that can lower your chance of getting an STI. Dry humping doesn’t require you to remove your clothes, keeping you safe from genital contact. It is possible for clothes to become soaked with fluid, which can make this barrier less effective than dental dams and condoms.

Mutual masturbation involves touching or stroking your partner's genitals with your hand. If you touch someone’s genitals with your bare hands who has or may have an STI, be sure to wash them thoroughly before touching your own body as this contact could otherwise potentially result in infection.

• Visually scan your partner’s body. Look for any sores, blisters, rashes, warts, or bumps, especially around the mouth, genitalia, or rectal areas. This can be a symptom of an STI, and if you notice one, it’s best to refrain from intercourse or use a condom, although condoms aren’t fully protective since there can still be skin to skin contact. Learn more about protecting yourself from STIs here.
• Use condoms. Using a latex or polyurethane barrier is one of the best ways to prevent STIs. If you use lubricant, always use one that’s water-based. Never use food oils, like coconut oil, which can damage the condom and be a skin irritant. Lubricants that are oil-based, like baby oil, are also a bad option, as they can make the condom more prone to tearing or breaking.
• Preventing unwanted or mistimed pregnancy. Pregnancy can occur from unprotected penis-in-vagina sex. If an egg has already been released from the ovary, it could be fertilized by sperm ejaculated from a penis. If that fertilized egg sticks to the uterus and grows, a pregnancy has begun. Both condoms and birth control can help prevent pregnancy. Regular birth control can come in a variety of forms: oral pill, injection, implant, ring, or intrauterine device (IUD). That being said, accidents can happen. Condoms can break, you might forget to take your pill, or unprotected sex occurs. To prevent pregnancy, take a morning-after pill like Julie’s as soon as possible. The Julie Morning After Pill™ is 89% effective when taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex, but can safely be taken up to three days after. Read more about how the Julie Morning After Pill™ works here.
• Preventing STIs. Sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) can be contracted during sex — especially during unprotected sex. The bacteria, viruses, and parasites that cause STIs pass from person to person through skin-to-skin contact, blood, semen, vaginal fluid, and other body fluids.

The best way to prevent STIs is to avoid sexual intercourse, but we know that’s not necessarily realistic. If you’re sexually active, you can protect yourself from STIs by:

• Using a barrier method, such as a condom or dental dam
• Doing a body check on both yourself and your partner
• Experimenting with mutual masturbation and dry humping instead of intercourse
• Getting vaccinated for HPV and hepatitis

It’s important to remember that condoms aren’t 100% effective; it’s still possible to get an STI from a tear in the condom or from skin to skin contact that the condom doesn’t cover.

What to do if you have unprotected sex

• Use emergency contraception. Emergency contraception is a safe, effective way to prevent pregnancy after unprotected sex. A morning-after pill like Julie’s is the most common type of emergency contraception because it’s 89% effective when taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex. Plus, it’s very easy to find and use. You can get the Julie Morning After Pill™ at your local Target, CVS, Walmart and Amazon or get it delivered now through GoPuff, UberEats, Instacart and Doordash. No ID, credit card, parent, prescription or insurance required — ever. Find a store near you.
  • If your BMI is over 30, you might consider Ella® or an IUD. While the Julie Morning After Pill™ is still safe, FDA-approved, and effective at any weight, there have been studies that have shown a decrease in efficacy as BMI increases. Research is still behind in this area, so we don’t know enough about why this occurs. You can read more about the Julie Morning After Pill™ effectiveness with people who have higher BMIs here. While the IUD is the most effective form of emergency contraception, it does require an appointment with a healthcare professional, which may not be available for everyone. Just a heads up: An IUD needs to be inserted within five days of unprotected sex for it to be effective.
• Take a pregnancy test. Shocker: The best way to know if you’re pregnant is by taking a pregnancy test. Timing, however, is key. If you take a pregnancy test too early, like right after sex, you may get a false negative. If you’re trying to avoid pregnancy, take the morning-after pill, as soon as possible after unprotected sex. If your period is a week late or hasn’t arrived within three weeks after taking the Julie Morning After Pill, take a pregnancy test. If it comes back negative, your cycle is just disrupted and should return to normal the following month. Check out our side effects article here.

Safe oral sex

Just as you can practice safe vaginal and anal sex, you can practice safe oral sex as well. Even though oral sex doesn’t pose any pregnancy risks, you’re still at risk of contracting an STI like gonorrhea, hepatitis, herpes, and HPV. Condoms and dental dams can often be overlooked when practicing safe sex, but they’re effective barriers against the spread of STIs through the mouth.

Safe anal sex

Like oral sex, anal sex doesn’t pose any pregnancy risks, but you’re at a higher risk of getting an STI because the delicate skin in this area is more prone to tiny skin tears. It can also lead to urinary tract infections (UTIs) or gastrointestinal illnesses. But with a plan in place and the right tools, it can be just as pleasurable as vaginal sex.

Make a plan with your partner to ensure it's safe and pleasurable for the two of you. First, decide whether to use a condom-wrapped penis, sex toy, or finger for insertion. For safe anal sex that avoids tearing the skin, be sure to use plenty of lubricant, no matter what method of insertion you choose.

A common myth is that you’ll immediately defecate when something is inserted, but this isn’t entirely true. You may see poop on the finger, penis, or toy, but it does not work like an enema. If you’re concerned about this, use the toilet or shower before anal sex, and talk about it with your partner.

It’s not possible to become pregnant from anal sex — so there’s no need for the morning-after pill —but remember that a condom is the best protection against STIs. If you decide to use a condom for anal sex and then switch to vaginal sex, make sure you put on a new condom before vaginal penetration.

While we love to share useful and helpful information, the above shouldn’t replace the advice of your healthcare professional. For questions about birth control and other women’s health issues, please talk to your doctor.